October 2007

“a recent mail to all in an office (of apparently sharp software developers):

“If anyone needs to do a jar build this afternoon can you give me a shout, I need a guinea pig for something fun :)”

He gets back some boring OKs as opposed the rapier like:

“I’m sure Richard Gere can help you there mate”

thought of it in the pub after work. I wish I worked in a pub….”

Andrew, Unknown City


“Whilst working a busy shift behind my bar a (hopefully) inexperienced member of staff sidled up to me and said “This is probably a stupid question but what’s bitter?”I replied “Err… That’d be a pint of John Smith’s” instead of something along the lines of “Heather Mills at a Hop-Scotch tournament.”

Matt, Eaglescliffe

The other day someone i know said that she went to see Joy Division bioEpic ‘Control’. The film started and got a little of the way in – and then broke, they started it up from the beginning but had the same problem…

Somebody quicker of wit, should (that’s the point of this right?) have said, maybe in haunting baratone,

all together now,


“She’s lost Control again”.

Rob, Cardiff

During orientation for my work-study job at Northwestern University, an uppity skinny theater major dude with bad hair turned to me and growled “I’m John. I don’t know your name.” How blunt, I thought. “Matt,” I replied. He asked me my major and I answered “Undecided.”

“Undecided, that’s scary,” John sneered. “I wouldn’t spend $50,000 a year to be undecided.”

“I wouldn’t spend $50,000 over four years to be a theater major,” I didn’t reply. Instead I simply turned away and reflected on what a prick he was.

-Matt, Evanston, Illinois