Driving


“Driving slowly through a parking lot
I got yelled at by a fifty something
woman in a red hat.

“PEDESTRIAN!”

I was pretty far away from her, it
seemed odd to be yelled at like that.

I thought of two comebacks later;

“DEAD PEDESTRIAN!”

or;

“POSTMENOPAUSAL PEDESTRIAN!”

John, (location not given)

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“It was about ten past nine on a Tuesday morning. I was on my way to the shops and had to wait by the traffic lights to cross the road. I stood beside an elderly gentleman as a car bolted past at a startling pace.

“The elderly man quipped, “That’s a funny looking 30 miles an hour.” I just chuckled politely.

“As I descended the stairs into the shopping centre, I realised I should have added, “That’s an ‘Oh god, I’m late for work’ 30 miles an hour’”.”

Paul, Surrey

“I drive a Hyundai Coupé. Quite a sporty car. The other day my director from work was driving home behind me in his dinky little Peugeot. At the lights he overtook me and shouted through the window ‘you know Hyundai make microwaves as well?’. I think I said ‘that’s great’ or something rubbish.

“Just after he went the opposite way I thought ‘yeah and I bet they’re damn fast microwaves too’.”

David, Cardiff

“Last week I was in the car with my girlfriend. in a traffic jam, a taxi driver behind us kept beeping. When he finally got past us on the outside, he shouted through the window, “Get a smaller car!” I shouted back “Yeah mate!” or something lame. 10 seconds later I realised I should have said, “Get a bigger penis!”

“Oh well.”

Dan, London