Food & Drink


‘While eating at a rather posh vegetarian restaurant we were having a banquet, the waitress arrived at the table with a palenta. Noticing my unfamiliarity with the dish,she asked “Have you had palenta before”

‘Had i not been in such polite company i should have said “Is it anything like placenta?”

‘I still regret my cowardice to this day.’

 Liam – Melbourne, Australia 


“I was working in the kitchens of a hotel when the famously well-hung head waiter Nigel came in and told me “I just got an eight pound tip!”
To which I replied “Good God man, how much did the rest of it weigh?”. Sadly Nigel was already rushing out of the kitchen and didn’t hear me.
A waitress did titter, so it wasn’t entirely wasted, but I still feel cheated out of my best ever willy-related retort.”

Ben, UK

“I once poured my milkshake on the ground outside Marks & Spencers because I was a reckless youth. An old women had a go at me, about a minute later I wished I had said ‘NO USE CRYING OVER SPILT MILKSHAKE’.

“I would have been so cool.”

Robin, Guildford.