“I was working for a not-for-profit in Chicago, IL, standing at the receptionist’s station and waiting for a client to arrive when Todd and Tom – two particularly efficient employees crossed paths in opposite directions whizzing past me and the receptionist without a word. At the time I think I said, “Wow, better watch the crosswalks!” or some equally inane filler. What I regret not having said in the moment was, “Tom and Todd wait for no man.” Rats.”

Christopher T.
Chicago, IL


The other day someone i know said that she went to see Joy Division bioEpic ‘Control’. The film started and got a little of the way in – and then broke, they started it up from the beginning but had the same problem…

Somebody quicker of wit, should (that’s the point of this right?) have said, maybe in haunting baratone,

all together now,


“She’s lost Control again”.

Rob, Cardiff

“During a phone call, one of my friends told me that their day had been
ruined by several accidents involving water.

“It was only after I hung up the phone I realised that the perfect thing to
say in this situation was “H2O? More like ‘H2 no'”. I can only imagine what
my life would now be like had I thought of this at the appropriate time.”

James, Leeds

“I once poured my milkshake on the ground outside Marks & Spencers because I was a reckless youth. An old women had a go at me, about a minute later I wished I had said ‘NO USE CRYING OVER SPILT MILKSHAKE’.

“I would have been so cool.”

Robin, Guildford.