Social Occasions

“At a cinema in London twenty odd years ago I was watching the latest James Bond film. Halfway through the film the sound went off and we all sat there restlessly watching the silent screen. Eventually people started cat calling and yelling out until one wag, famously, said “Oh right…., for your EYES only” Which was of course the title of the film. It brought the house down. Not esprit d’escalier but a situation where nothing more needed to be said.”

 Bob, The Past


“I had a huge quarrel with a couple of friends the other day. Immature as they were, they would not tell me why they were so cross with me all of the sudden. Apparently they wanted me to figure out for myself – but I’m sure that there was some kind of misunderstanding ’cause I’ve done nothing wrong.
In the heat of the fight, all I could say was something vulgar and uncreative and then I left.
“A few minutes after, I thought of a pretty nice comeback: “Yes, I admit, I was wrong. *dramatical pause* It’s my fault that I have such bad taste in friends.”

 Martina, Unknown Location


‘While eating at a rather posh vegetarian restaurant we were having a banquet, the waitress arrived at the table with a palenta. Noticing my unfamiliarity with the dish,she asked “Have you had palenta before”

‘Had i not been in such polite company i should have said “Is it anything like placenta?”

‘I still regret my cowardice to this day.’

 Liam – Melbourne, Australia 

The other day someone i know said that she went to see Joy Division bioEpic ‘Control’. The film started and got a little of the way in – and then broke, they started it up from the beginning but had the same problem…

Somebody quicker of wit, should (that’s the point of this right?) have said, maybe in haunting baratone,

all together now,


“She’s lost Control again”.

Rob, Cardiff