“I had a huge quarrel with a couple of friends the other day. Immature as they were, they would not tell me why they were so cross with me all of the sudden. Apparently they wanted me to figure out for myself – but I’m sure that there was some kind of misunderstanding ’cause I’ve done nothing wrong.
In the heat of the fight, all I could say was something vulgar and uncreative and then I left.
“A few minutes after, I thought of a pretty nice comeback: “Yes, I admit, I was wrong. *dramatical pause* It’s my fault that I have such bad taste in friends.”

 Martina, Unknown Location


“Years ago, I worked at Clarks Shoes. I was happily hoovering up the shop floor when a female colleague informed me that I hoover ‘like a woman’. It took a few hours to realise the obvious reply to this was, ‘Well, how else would I do it?’. This still haunts me now.”

Ben, Manchester

“A couple of years ago I was waiting for a train
when a feckless wannabe gangsta came up to me, stood WAY too close and
started making gross slurping noises at me. I tried to ignore him. Then he
asked me, “Does you swallow?”

“I knew I ought to come up with the perfect witty, incisive retort that would
make him realise the error of his ways, teach him a thing or two about
respecting women and get it into his thick skull that with that sort of
approach he was never going to get a blow job from anyone other than his own
right hand. But the only thing I could think of was to scream, “Go fuck

“A few minutes later I realised that, “I bet you do” would have been much
more effective.”

Samara, Harrow